the official break

hi ppl! im back blogging..
just came back from chalet.. so tired..... busy-ing doing food and stuff... finally 5A met up again..

okay~
ermss..
im now single..
an official break up few days back...
i think this is not really a very very bad thing thou.. cos i cant see the road infront of us anymore.. although i admit i not totally no more feelings.. but i guess i have to get over it.... though my tears still drop now when i am typing this. but i know everything should have an ending if not the hurt and pain will be even deeper...
i think... i really have to get over it, get over him, get over this 2years relationship~ =(
although im really really sad..... but i just cant bring myself to hold onto this r/s anymore.. cos i cant feel his love/his effort to love me... maybe its really not his fault to make me feel so damn neglected all this while... maybe im too demanding... i just want someone there to take the long rides home with me after work.. seeing other couples i felt like a real failure... im so sorry for everything.... i dun really know who neglect who first... but since everything has turn out to be like this.. nth can be changed anymore.... once the love fades... its so hard to force it back anymore... im really vexed cos i still do miss him..... but..... i know this would be the better choice in the future.... hope so.....

last few days had been drinking..
sat night drank german beer.. den party world drink... return home late night.
sun watch ben play mj with matthew and co. ton the whole night.... watch them playing the whole night w/o doing anything.... i just dun wanna be alone at night... being alone at night is the worse thing ever... u will think of the past and cry and cry....
watch till monday morning.. eat mac breakfast for 10cents. cos i paid 10cents. duh~ ben treat... after breakfast... went home and went out again to giant meet joanna buy chalet de food and stuff... heavy~~~ den cab to my house and started marinating the chicken and blahs... after joanna go home.. night time went to drink with ben and karsan..... i think 4cup beer nia i already abit drunk ler.... damn hell bad mood...
aftertat got forced to go home by farking ben.. im already in a damn bad mood his still force me go home.... den share cab with karsan.... den tears like flowing down like its free..
i didnt wanna cry..... and i seldom cry infront of other ppl...... karsan like got shocked den call ben and blahs.......
reach home bath... den head damn heavy...... lights off and sleep.... at least... when i drink i sleep better.. so i wont think of anything.....
next day. which is tuesday.. woke up at 7am plus do stuff and fall back to slp again..... den meet joanna to buy those stringray sotong and prawn.. den back home to marinate and stuff again.....
those sotongs are really gross loh... one even have a index finger long size fish inside the sotong de stomach... we scream like hell.. lol.. but its fun.. =x...... den prep and stuff meet deon and yuqian den cabbed down to downtown east chalet..... blah blah blah... wait for ppl bbq for me eat... bo bian cos i bbq sure chaota so haha~ den night time open martel drink... at first add coke to it... but got laugh by that sucker... played scissors paper stone with him... i loss like continuously 6times... so drink martel with ice... damn suay... but nvm.... after tat slack awhile den walk to ehub see see... nth much..... den go back chalet again they watch emily rose dvd... i half sleeping half watching.... duh... head heavy again... but not as bad as on monday... cos i cried before drinking also..... luckily, nth make me cry ytd during chalet.. haha...............
sooo... today.......
slack till 9plus wake up... ben and matthew still like pig sleeping.. hai everyone wait for them.... lol.... den 10plus jiu check out ler... sad.... =(...... after check out go mac.. den slack ard till 11 went ehub sing k..... 4person but we got a damn big room..... =) and now i am back home again..... i just hate being alone.... being alone = being emo........ i am so tired now.. but i dun feel like sleeping.. cos i am afraid if i slp now .. night time i cant sleep already.... den will think again....... tonight also cant drink ler.. tml work.... haiss.. sian................. find things to do bah.... buaiii!






now, my skin condition so bad, my eyes so puffy, my body so weak and my heart so pain~
really hope to get over everything soon.........